so much for independence

here is a picture DH took of the fireworks


actually I did get what I wanted we went to the town parade we went to the town's country fair it was all pretty lame-O I think the rain kept people away *sigh*

we did see The boy's Sunday school teacher her boy is going to the same school next year as MB

after it was over we searched out fireworks as we learned our regular fireworks place was canceled due to construction in the area :(
ended up in Salem Ma
WOW what a show they had a concert that was so enjoyable then they had fireworks
like Boston pops without the rude crowd of people.

LOVED IT!
the only downside is the point of this post :(
My watching two girls who both wanted to be picked up to see the fireworks better
one husband taking pictures no chance for me to use my camera...and when DH saw that I was struggling he said "do you want me to stop taking pictures and help you?"

yeah the new me is supposed to say "YES" but the old me seeped back and said "no no you take your pictures"
*sigh*


Moo was Thrilled, even Messy had a blast! But MOO oh my goodness the cutest thing I ever ever saw was her after the first firework exploded and the colors burst in the sky she said "wow mama do it again!" *melt* then after each burst she let out a gale of giggles and laughter that had the whole crowd cracking up and she kept those laughs and squeals up until the very last one!
as we were walking back to the car she said "we not going back to the car we going back to the fireworks"
yes she woke up this morning asking to get in the car and drive back to the fire works LOL


it was so much fun I plan to go back next year!

July fifth I am back to the same old mousy person.
Dh spent hours doing his own thing while I was in charge of the kids...the same old pattern we have lived for years

But I did stand up and tell him that I wasn't happy, and where am I going to get my free time?

and I complained because I want the fencing from Lowes before it sells out! I've been asking him to pick it up since I can't fit it in the van with the kids in there, but he never has a chance KWIM So now is his chance to get what *I* want

so he is off to get the fencing for me, and then we are going to find some fireworks

of course he isn't taking the kids with him, but still...

baby steps right?

thoughts on a friend? and july fourth thoughts

she really is a good friend
sometimes I forget that
sometimes I avoid her because I feel as though I can't bad as good a friend to her as she is to me
sometimes I think she isn't such a friend, that she really wants what she wants only

yesterday she was sad, because her Mother in law took her kid with her on vacation
she wanted company, I packed up my three kids and went over
we stayed for a bit it was nice she didn't seem so sad, her boy is coming home tomorrow. I am equally understanding and jealous of her
no one takes my kids to Florida they wont even watch them while I go to the grocery store...except the one friend, she will. But I understand her sadness I would not be able to stand them to be away from me for so long. Yesterday she said that she thinks that my mother is the reason for my low self esteem! right out of the blue she said that,partly I want to say DUH and partly I want to know how she knows me so well when I don't really open up to her KWIM?
she also watched one of my videos and criticized me for shaking too much, I resisted the urge to tell her she sounded just like my mother She really is a good friend.

life is irony isn't it?


I am always of more than one mind
I feel so much at once sometimes it is hard to know how I really feel
I understand both sides in the Autism Debate
I understand both sides in most debates...well not politics so much, I just don't get McCain

I believe in Jesus, but obviously I don't go along with a lot of the things that other people who believe in Jesus do, to the point where I have trouble saying I am a Christian, I say "I follow the teachings of Jesus not Paul" ROFL My Christian friends pray for me to be saved. I think I am so "neener" LOL My non Christian friend call me "the religious one" Sometiems I am not happy about not fitting in, but right now I am feeling pretty good abotu having a handle on things

School starts in a few weeks

July ninth I have an appointment for Messy with the Children's Hospital
I have to say that I am no sure which appointment it is I forgot to write it down
So it is in Boston, but I am not sure if it is with epilepsy, genetic counseling, or hematology

Obviously I need to get more organized ROFL

I have decided that July 4th will be my new date
when I was a kid it was my favorite day of the year, because it was really the only time my siblings included me in play, we always went to a cousins house for the big family reunion and it was tradition every year! it was the only time I was treated like one of the kids, instead of "the baby" and I liked the cook out beach fun times stuff we did back then.

So next year on July 4th I will be able to post my yearly independence update

I will be more independent
I will be healthier
I will be more organized
I will be more happy

You will see I can do it!
I'm also going to try a 365 self portrait thingy

no promises there those things are hard :)

we went to the drive in last night

It was wonderful and awful all in the same time :)

we saw Wall-E
FANTASTIC!
I recommend it but I will say it had a few scary moments where the kids were a bit frightened
Moo was transfixed on the screen the whole time
Messy liked the first half of the movie and then she started losing interest and screaming her happy scream and jumping and generally trying to be a pain in the butt which kind of took away form it a little bit...such is life with Autism. To Dennis' Credit he is really trying to change, he kept her on his lap and and caressed her and sang to her and got her calmed down, it was nice to not have to be the one who always fixes everything for a change.

then we saw Get Smart
usually the kids are out for the second movie but the boy was awake, and I let him watch, there was a few times where I cringed, but the kid is nine years old, I can't shelter him forever...I tried that LOL
it was brilliant, and a let down all in one
it was good but it seems to me it was a bit short on the mark, I wonder how it is doing, I loved the tv show, and when I heard Steve Carell was going to play Maxwell Smart I was really looking forward to it. I have never seen his stuff in the show he does, but I remember him from the Daily show. I liked the movie but I think I was so looking forward to it that I got let down.

and the boy and his dad went down to the river and hung together before the movie.
I was torn because the new me didn't want to sit for that time with the girls while he went and had fun, but I also thought it was a good dad and son moment *shrug* plus the sox were playing on the radio so I gave in. I just can't stand it when he thinks leaving me in the car with the girls is a good idea because taking them with him is hard....I usually take them with me and deal *sigh* I'm getting better, but I am not there yet.


the junk food was good
so much for the diet Ha HA

seriously I can't go on like this anymore
I need to get healthy

*sigh*
looked for a picture of my mother and I can't find any
:(

wonder if my sister has one


I'll ask

Tomorrow is independence day in the US

the old me would have done something stupid like go on a hike or to a park
the new me, the one who is speaking up for herself

the new me told him that I wanted to either go to the family get together with my family OR Go to the parade and festivities our town does every year, I told him that we were not going to do anything other than one of those two things
the advantage of both - the family thing is at someones house, there will be a pool and lots of food~~~~ the town thing will be a good social thing we can do for the kids they might see some of their friends there since its the thing everyone in town does The negative stuff my family he doenst like, and Messy wont pee in a port-a-pot


he chose the town - even though he hates parades, he hates my family more LOL
wish us luck with the port-a-pot

So it is a true independence day for me, since I got say in what we do :)

I know you guys think it's weird but it's a big step for me, I am not going to be a mouse forever, but it is taking me time to remember that I can KWIM?

I don't want to Survive! I WANT TO LIVE!!! (that is a line from Wall-E)

sleep and dreams (I feel chatty today)

how can she go so long without sleep?

I mean come on kiddo
she finally crashed at the top of the stairs
wrapped in a huge comforter in 90 degree temps
maybe she doenst like the AC?

*shrug*

thanks for the advice
I am thinking about the lock, but it scares me so much what if there was a fire?

I let the boy stay up and watch the redsox lose to the Devil Rays
HUH? that team is really good this year. The Sox are really missing Big Papi

easy going Manny is having anger issues weird....I want so much to call them and ask them to have him checked for diabetes LOL I'm sure with all his doctors they thought of that huh?

enough about the redsox huh?

Rest in Peace Esmin Green! I am sure there is more love and caring where you are now than ever could be where you passed.

Lets talk about my dream! I have so many celebrity dreams it's weird huh? they always try to teach me a lesson, like after my father died and he and Jim Morrison (a very unlikely pair) kept coming to me and trying to get me to understand that I needed to lighten up. Or when Patrick Swayze kept telling me that I needed to quit smoking, Or Jeff Goldblum back in 1998 telling me that I didn't have the flu I was pregnant ROFL there are so many more of these dreams but you guys probably think I'm bonkers anyway so I wont go into more detail LOL it's almost like the subconscious me thinks I wont get the message unless it comes from some one famous LOL Well I had another one of those dreams.

I had a dream last night about Rosie O'Donnell and the kung Fu Panda
it was kinda weird, ok all my celebrity dreams are weird they are always a weird mixture of the past and present! in the dream I was hiding under a chair the way my daughter does and I was watching a fight I had seen before as a teenager, when my brother's girlfriend got PG and her family came over to "talk" to my parents...they started fighting it was very weird my sister was standing in the corner with her child on her hip and someone was punching her...

in real life I always felt guilty about not running to help...instead I stayed in the chair and I never thought to hide under the chair I just sat there and watched the whole thing like a movie...pass the popcorn! but I remember at this point when I saw my brother pick up a knife I ran to the other room and didn't see what happened until they left, I mean no one got stabbed so I know everything worked out but I didn't see what happened either I think I was 14.

in the dream the panda poked his head and said "the secret is you" so I got up the nerve to go and help, I climbed out of the chair and the panda turned into Rosie, but it was the character she played in "beautiful Girls" She kissed her hand and blew it to me and said "Hi sweetie don't be afraid" then she went over to the fighting and grabbed the knife out of my brother's hand and turned to the group and said "you all should be f*cking ashamed of yourselves" then she grabbed the little one and handed him to me and said "see ya dearie" then she turned into herself and gave me the peace sign and said "peace out" and walked away as the character shaking her hips. the funny thing was the family that was fighting started leaving at that point and the father bumped into Rosie pushing his way out and she said "what? I gotta wait for you?" lol I think she said that in a movie to a car LOL

I am officially crazy huh?


anyway what is Rosie trying to tell me? I will say that one of the reasons I like Rosie O'Donnell so much is that she reminds me of my mother, like eerily so someday I will scrounge up a picture of her so You can see :) maybe Rosie did what I had wanted my mother to do, and maybe my mother DID do that? I don't know

But I think the message this time is that I need to stop feeling guilty about things in the past I have too much guilt

Maybe the message is telling me that I need to become the mother I didn't have and protect my kids...not that my kids are being punched but...If History repeats itself I will have the dream a few more times before it will go away, and probably Rosie will play a different character :)

LOL

rude awakening

Well I had trouble sleeping last night (I know that is not news)
finally got to sleep around 4ish
around six the alarm went off
not the alarm clock
the shrill alarm that screams through the house alerting us if there is an intruder or a fire
we must set this alarm all the time since Messy has learned how to open doors and unlock doors
Messy doesn't sleep (wonder where she gets that from) and has been known to go outside at odd times

you would think I would be used to the sound of it now

um no
the answer would be no!

Yes Messy opened the door downstairs and went outside

MOMMY thought there was a fire and was looking for Messy upstairs
I grabbed the little one and was searching for Messy when I finally decided I would get moo out and come back for messy..I was a bit irritated at DH for not helping save our kids lives

I yelled to DH "where is she?"
he said "Huh she is downstairs" because he of course was not fuzzy brained as I was LOL

thankfully everything is alright!

in the end I am still irritated a bit with DH
we should not become complacent
it could have been a fire
it could have been a burglar
it could have been our autistic daughter running off as she has been known to do on rare occasions

instead it was what it usually was her out picking flowers in the yard

thank GOD!

I just simply do not have time

to learn how to edit videos

*sigh*

help I need 4 more hours in each day ROFL

ok I guess I can give up tv

but not the sox gotta have my sox :)

=I took all the words that people sent in to the guest book and put them in wordle.net

SO today I want to talk about Messy and summer school

her school will be from 8 AM to 10:30 AM
she will have speech therapy and Occupational therapy
She will go out on the play ground every day
she will have some classmates the same as she had before
here Home/School specialist will be seeing her
it will be from July 14th to August 8th not 6 weeks but what can you do? we pick our battles right?

if she wasn't confused enough already...it will be at her brother's school not the school she went to before, and not the school she will be going to this September

change is good huh?

So we are starting today to take her to the school's playground

once she starts school there we will start going to the playground of the school she will be going to next year.

in the short time that she has been out of school, as much as I have tried to keep a routine
as much as I have tried to keep things going and keep kids busy :(

she has almost completely reverted to her old self :(

ok not that bad but still she has temper tantrums again
she is more inward, less social, and she has been having poop adventures again JOY JOY

what can I do different?

Does anyone have any ideas?

thanks

There is no charge for awesomeness... or attractiveness.

Sometimes I think that Moo is the smartest 2 year old in the world
then I just remember that she is normal and it's Messy that has issues :(

happy and sad at the same time KWIM? she is normal
I know you are not supposed to use the word normal, it's not PC
she is typical
this morning I was handing pop tarts to the girls
the boy was sitting at the table eating one already
I gave one to each girl and Messy looked around and in her slow robot speak she slowly said out who I had given a pop tart too, and she ended with her brother to which I reminded her that he is a big kid and he got his own pop tart. I smiled at her, and she smiled back at me, and I turned and headed for the living room. Behind me I heard a tiny little two year old voice saying "Hey I a little kid, but I not a baby I a big girl" ROFL

cute