putting together a desk

I used to put stuff together
I used to be quite handy
when I was a shipping/receiver at a store part of my job was putting together displays
I used to compete with other shipping/receivers at other branches via speaker phone to see who put it together first

somewhere along the way when I had kids and stopped working
I lost my ability to put things together
*shrug*
it got easier to ask DH to do it I guess

even the boy can put together stuff quite easily

when did I get so dependent on others?


anyway the good news is that last night I put together a desk, I've been waiting for Dh to put it together for me, but I decided last night I was not waiting for anyone
I want my desk put up so I can move my computer and have the ability to go online without having to go upstairs and block myself from the family. I'm tired of having to negotiate computer time.

it wasn't so hard

I think I won a little piece of my independence back

maybe I will put together that composter myself?

Ok a friend pointed out that I should blog about Mike Savage

You know I'm fairly new to the world of Autism
I'm fairly new to the whole real world of blogging
I stink at it actually LOL

but I never liked him and I never listen to his show
as long as people listen to the show and advertisers advertise
he will spew his ignorant crap out it's no different than the crap we get day to day
"learn how to parent" stuff like that

life is too short to stress over this
I might send an email or two out
I might have to listen to his show to figure out who to send it too LOL

But really it's not like I a m plugged into the blogging community
nor am I really plugged in to the Autism community
I sit on the outside as I always have been

I've been out here so long I am not sure how to go inside KWIM?

I don't think it is my social responsibility to blog about it

but here ya go

maybe I will learn

what is the secret?

How is it that everyone is organized, and I am not?

I'm trying and trying
I am even keeping a to do list every day, but it just keeps getting longer and longer and it's overwhelming

*sigh*
some days I really miss my December 98 mommy friends
today my heart aches for them. for some reason I can't stop thinking of them and I wish I could just go back and be there again.
*sigh*

so the happy stuff?

a sunflower waiting to open

LOVE it!

I know the moment I look out the window and see it open I will gasp, even though I know it is going to open, and I am pretty sure I know what it will look like I am still all tingly with anticipation!!!!

OPEN up please!

the time to show yourself is NOW :)

I LOVe my new hobby of gardening!
in the past I always gave up because the woodchucks, but now I feel that even if the woodchucks eat everything I can just go and buy new stuff..I found a local place where it cost next to nothing for plants.

even with the Japanese beetles and the slugs it kind of stinks for my poor purple cone flowers, but.... it's ok circle of life right?


OH did I tell you all that the loostrife is not blooming this year

not sure why looks like something is eating it

it is very strange to look out on the marsh and not see the sea of purple flowers that look so beautiful but you know it's bad because there is no place for the red wing black birds to nest. I do see a few purple spots here and there, but mostly it's rust colored dead plants

I should take a picture huh?


off to play with chalk

today's I did list LOL because the to do list is too long!

Today I got up at the crack of dawn to wrestle my kiddo out of bed and get her eating and cleaned and dressed and combed and braided and onto a big scary bus that she ran to when she saw it coming (yes the bus is only scary to me) I played the two year old version of memory and watched Harold and the purple crayon and signed the boy up for VBS next week. Helped him with his report on Harry potter, and helped him wiht hsi letter to hsi new teacher, called the town to find out about the composter they sell, got the girl off the bus, tore the house apart looking for the checkbook because they only take checks, called Dh and found out DH has the checkbook in HIS car called town hall and convinced them to take cash for the composter. Put the kids in the car and drove to the town hall to buy the composter, wrestled with the five year old who hates deep stairways down to the recycling department where she proceeded to grab at the stack of papers the woman had there on the floor she was filing...two year old ran down the hall, while i was chasing her the five year old climbed into someone's office and started spinning in a chair The guy was nice said "ah there is nothing here she can break" ROFL he obviously does not know our Messy LOL


apologized many times, wrestled the heavy composter to the van while directing the 9 year old who was holding the girls' hands got the kids in the car when the nine year old suddenly remembered that he wanted to recycle our old cell phone and he had it in the car could he run in and put it in the box....:( it's 90 degrees out and it's against the law in our town to idle the car, can you imagine the fine you would get if caught idling your car outside the recycling office door? LOL but how can you say no to the kid...so he jumps out of the van to go back in and I move the van to a shady spot and turn off the engine the girls are hungry, the girls are fighting over who is more hungry than the other one LOL thankfully the kid didn't have too much trouble I worry sending him places on his own...I am not good at it!!!! I have anxiety the whole time.

Drove the composter back home to unload it...girls are crying because they thought they were going to a restaurant drive to burger king where the boy wonders out loud if waiting in the drive thru line is just as bad as idling the car...the kid has a point so we park and get out of the car to get food, that is fun NOT! get the food, get in the car and drive to the pediatricians office, because you cannot refill ADHD meds you have to get the prescription and bring it to the pharmacy with a valid drivers license to drop it off (don't need an ID to pick it up) we find out that the car seat laws have changed and The boy no longer needs a booster seat (thanks for putting THAT poster up pediatricians office)

then we went to a store to buy a shower curtain liner, but the little one had a diaper explosion and we have to change her and it is real bad and I used the last of the wipes, so we walk over to eh grocery store to pick up wipes, we found worm poop there and bought it along with some powerade for DH and coffee beans...and some other things that I did not know I needed

75 dollars later we were walking out of the store and see a woman coming out of the hardware store with a little pool "we want a pool" OK I did promise them a pool which I can't find and I see they have them here so we go in, besides I need some eye hook locks with springs on them because messy has been locking the boy in his room, so we are hoping the oens with springs will be too hard for her, but still allow him the use of the locks

we got the locks and the boy found a cleaner that is supposed to be as good as "Bar Keeper's friend" and non toxic earth friendly...he talks me into to trying it...I will believe it when I see it, I am addicted to BKF We didnt buy the pool because I don't want to walk to the car carrying it and the girls the parking lot at thsi store is a lot busier than the one at town hall KWIM?

finally I get to home goods in search of a shower curtain liner. this is where the kids coping points ended "I want a..." and Messy was grabbing things off the shelf the isles are too skinny you can't put the cart in the middle she can reach the breakable stuff
I will say we did not break anything but I am sure the staff there was happy to see us leave
it was really awkward too the kids are screaming and I say to the ladies there "I'm sorry for the screaming kids" usually you get an understanding nod, or a smile, or even a "oh we have kids too" kind of thing, but I got the cold stare from all of them the cashier that rang my stuff up looked down right mean.

we were supposed to meet Dh at the carwash later, it was too early and I couldn't get DH on the phone and I was TIRED! so I went home and sprayed worm poop on my garden! my cell phone has no signal at home and Dh never even thought I would go home so he couldn't get in touch with me, and he came home...it's hard to change plans with this family so against my better judgment we got into two separate cars and went to the BBQ place...the plan is to meet at the car wash and wash both cars while getting everyone soaked in the process...a fun summer family activity Don't worry we only spray each other with the one that is just water LOL but I messed up by going home, so we ended up at the BBQ place where the kids got mac and cheese (I could make this at home for next to nothing) and I got chicken, DH a salad
by the time we finished eating we didn't have time for the carwash so it was dumb that we took both cars but...what can ya say? we got home got the kids to bed and loaded the dishwasher sorted through some paperwork and sorted laundry while watching the Daily show!


now I am off to the 24 hour laundry mat, yes I still have not got sears to come and fix mine...it's not just them I am too busy to be home all one day lately, LOL and I still have to drop off the prescription at the 24 hour drug store

how did people live before the 24 hour places?

Now this whole post seems like a complaint, but in between the hard stuff I realized something

I am darn lucky

my kids are awesome even when they don't seem it

when I was trying to wrestle the attachment on the hose to spray the worm poop messy came up and sat next to me, she looked me right int he eye and said "hi mommy, what's up you seem depressed" LOL

now ok yes she was quoting a movie but still it was darn adorable!
And Moo got all her matches right in memory and how can you be upset with Harold and the purple crayon??? Messy LOVEs school and we got an email and her old teacher had her baby and we got a picture :) how cool is that?

life is good even goign to the 24 hour laundromat is good when you go at night it's quiet with jsut the sound of the machines running once in awhile a car will drive by but it's very peaceful...plus I don't have to hurry it's nice.

yes life is good

tomorrow we are going to try and manage the sprinkler park
obviously it's not in my town sprinklers are not allowed LOL

Da Antsis is on da fwoowah!!!!

I had asked her if what color she was going to color in her rock (wock) that she had drawn


"Da Antsis is on da fwoowah!!!!"

any other person I would be thinking she was going to color the rock the same color as the floor

Not my moo
she is two she talks really good sometimes

and sometimes I can't figure out a word she is saying

this time since I live in this house and know we have an ant problem LOL
I know she was getting distracted by more than one ant walking on the floor :)

isn't she cute?

she colored the rock purple in case you were really interested LOL

Messy is LOVE LOVE LOVing the new school
I am actually SHOCKED she is doing so well
her teachers are shocked she is doing so well
and her home/school specialist is not shocked

she knows Messy is familiar with the building because we would go in there to pick up her brother
she knows that Messy is not seeing anyone from her old school so she is not having issues with the whole "I know you from there you should be there" bit

anyway I'm still not liking the bus

but she loves it and that is all that matters right?

the boy today came out of his cave and saw me cleaning the floor and said "mom can I do that it looks like fun"
and he is cleaning the floor and the walls..yes he is scrubbing the walls

really odd behavior for him but I ain't complaining :)

hope you all are doing well

I am trying to get used to getting up at the crack of dawn LOL

seperation anxiety (((shout out to Deb)))

First I want to thank you all for the advice
Deb my friend it is so good to "see" you I thought I had lost touch with you, I hope you and the girls are doing good!


now on to my post about separation anxiety

today was the first day of the summer special education program ( I hate that name)


who knew after all this time
after looking forward to the back to school
after wishing for the switch back to routine
watching the calendar tick and planning how I will work my time while she is in her summer school

who knew it would be so hard to put her on that big bus
I was surprised to see a real bus and not a van with a "school bus" sign on it
wish I had known I would have prepared her :(
she was the first pick up...I introduced myself to the driver, I silently wished he had an aid there
I strapped her in, once she was in she stopped crying and just stared into space

sorry it really hurt to leave her on that big huge monster bus

Jim from North Reading transportation...you take care of my baby

*cry*

ok yes it was me who had to get them to change the IEP to get her into this program LOL

should I buy my girl a weighted vest?

can't decided
in school when they put the vest on her she knows its time to settle down.

last night after DH took the kids out for an afternoon of playing at the playground, I spent the time cleaning, I really lost track of time(it was so nice to be able to clean without having to clean around kids) so when DH pulled in with the tired sleepy kids at 6 PM I had not even thought of making dinner, so we all got in the car and went to Bickfords. Bickfords is a family restaurant that serves breakfast all day, but also has other food, so it's great for us, DH can get his salad, I get my chicken sandwich, and the kids all get the JR meal (one egg two strips of bacon, and two pancakes) child heaven LOL It's also good because the kids can be a little loud and it's sort of expected KWIM? Well last night they had the redsox on all the tvs, and there was a bunch of big parties there, you know Messy feeds off of other people's energy So the huge group at the next table was loud and happy laughing excited....you know what that means right?

well back to the question about the vest.

could have used that vest last night at dinner when she wouldn't settle down to eat and ended up running into a coffee pot. Thank God it was the older waitress that knows us well, who was walking with it, because she saw her coming and quickly turned herself around and shielded messy form the hot coffee...no one got hurt...well the waitress said she wasn't hurt. Seriously she should make the highlight film on ESPN she did such an awesome job of preventing an injury

there is a debate if you use a vest too much the child becomes used to wearing it all the time and it is no longer effective, on the other hand she ran into a freaking coffee pot.

I've seen her thrashing about at school, and Susan her aid would slip on the vest and instantly she is calm and happy to be where she is. They also use the vest when it is time for her to eat her snack, otherwise she will just run all over the place.

I don't want to mess up what they are working on by overusing it.

on the other hand she ran in to a freaking coffee pot.

on the other hand they are kind of expensive


I don't know how to sew....seriously I got an "F" in sewing in school I'm like famous for sewing my apron to my shirt. I mean it's sort of like a phobia, like math phobia, only it's sewing phobia...seriously DH sews buttons on because I screw it up LOL

can I just get a vest with pockets and put heavy stuff in them LOL


what do you all think?

so I just read the headline on the news

Dow below 11,000 for first time in two years
Index slumps amid fears over mortgage finance firms Fannie, Freddie

oh man I gotta call my therapist!

Messy starts school on monday

The bus company has not yet called me to set up a pick up time

I called them and got a pleasant woman who told me that they are not yet done figuring out the route and we will be called later today

kind of last minute dontcha think?

*sigh*

dh is on his way home and he is taking the kids so I can have some kid free time

I will believe it when I see it

I am sure he was on his way out of the building and someone stopped him to ask him a question or to have him check out their computer problem

wow I am pretty negative

Messy is not happy about starting school, she isn't happy about anything new but she will be after a bit I am sure.

oh my town the only thing they do for special needs kids is a form with an assist to evacuation plan. how lame O can ya get? I wish I would have called them myself because I would have told them not to bother sending me the form, it's not like she will be home alone and need someone to evacuate her should there be a disaster.

:(

maybe I will call them myself and educate then on the need for a better program?

*sigh*

alright I just woke up and I might be grumpy but...

I looked at Rosie's blog and I was reading her "ask Ro" and someone sent in a rant I really felt the need to reply. Of course no one will see my reply because 7 million people send in stuff to "ask Ro" and the chances she will print mine is small so i will put it here :)

Ask Ro:

Kelly Writes:

Sorry, I must rant...WHY are people so lazy in a store parking lot that they won't put their carts in the cart corrals?? I've seen people struggle to put them up on a curb instead of walk 10 yards.

path of least ...

Ok it's one of those shoe moments.

maybe they hurt their foot.

maybe they used to work in a store and remember how much fun it was when it was their turn to go gather carts and they want to give someone that opportunity.

maybe they used to work in a store and between people putting away their own carts, and people using the self checkouts, and bagging their own groceries they lost their job.

maybe the last time they put the cart away, they pinched their finger and now have a fear of cart corrals?

Maybe they have kids and they know that they really like it when someone doesn't put the cart away because they can park near it and they don't have to walk over to a corral to get a cart to put their baby in, and they want to do the same for another mommy.

Maybe they just took their kids out of the cart and put them in the car, and they have a decision "put cart away and leave kids" or "leave cart here and not have to worry"

maybe they ARE lazy

there is no law about putting carts away, it's a suggestion
there is a law about letting your car idle
there is a law about walking away and leaving your kids in the car

yes folks someone once called the cops on me because I was standing outside my car leaning on it, talking to a friend while my kids slept in the car...and they thought that it was child abuse...thankfully the cop (a nice lady) thought it was funny LOL but what would she think if I had walked 10 yards away????

Ok seriously I need to go make some coffee

LOL

me on a soapbox

Remember when mom said "stop and think before you speak" and "if you can't say anything nice..."
you know right?

My mother used to say "never judge anyone unless you walked a mile in their shoes...then your feet will be hurting and you will remember that we shouldn't be judging people anyway" LOL

My mother was clever sometimes :)

ok so if you are out and about and you see someone pushing a stroller and the kid in the stroller is way too big for it, what do you think? you are thinking that the parents are just letting the kid be lazy, or you may even be thinking that parent's letting their "too big for a stroller" kids ride in a stroller is "the reason for childhood obesity" you may even look at the parent and see she is overweight and think "gee do you want your kid to be fat like you" ...yeah? it's ok there are no thought police...yet anyway...you can think whatever you want...but please please please do not say this too the parent because you do not know what is going on. maybe the child is special needs, maybe their insurance wont pay for a special needs stroller, maybe they are just getting by???


if you see a kid in a harness you can look at them and think "wow I'm so glad we don't treat our kids like DOGS" sure go ahead and think it, but please do not say it out loud!!!!!
surely you do not know what it is like for your autistic child to switch instantly from a "happy walking with you" kid to a "bolting away" kid!!! surely you have never searched stores, for a kid who hides, surely you never had your two year old (who should know better) wander away in central park, you have never had to make a store lock their doors so you can find your child hiding behind a carpet display, you have never called and called to a child knowing they wont answer you anyway!



Yes I put my "too big for a stroller" kid in a stroller I do it because sometimes she gets upset and sitting in a stroller calms her, I do it because sometiems it's hard trying to keep an eye on her and her sister at the same time, nine times out of ten the 2 year old is wanting out of the stroller anyway so it's empty.

and yes I put harnesses on my two and a half year old, and my five and a half year old

and I am proud to do it!

and I don't care what other people think

I like to keep my kids thankyouverymuch!!!

back from the Hospital

So she doesn't have any of the things they tested her for
no known metabolic disorders
no fragile X
no Rett
No Chromosome 16

we breath a sigh of relief

and we note that it all gets easier as we go along.
well not the driving in the city! next time we check and make sure we are not leaving the hospital the same time a redsox game gets out sheesh

I remember when I used to get upset when there were no answers
now I am wiser and I know that sometimes no answer is a good answer

and now I want to say how cool is Children's hospital Boston!!!!

my kid was upset when we left because she wanted to stay there and sleep there ROFL

Today we see the genetics department at Children's hospital

ETA a pic of me and messy that DH took




I have no idea what they could possible say

"her autism is genetic and you have it too!"
I got a letter from the hospital which conveniently was also on their website LOL I love copy/paste :) this is boring so feel free to look at this picture of a leopard and scroll past it :)


isnt he CUTE!

The member(s) of the team you meet with will ask questions about:

The pregnancy and birth history Developmental history Medical history, and Family History

Sometimes sensitive issues, such as adoption or exposures during pregnancy, may arise when gathering information on your child. Should there be something you do not wish to discuss with your child present, it may be helpful to bring someone to the visit with you. This person can sit with your child in the waiting room while the sensitive topic is discussed.

Next, the team member(s) will review the history and perform a specialized physical exam. Tests such as X-rays or an MRI may be ordered to help make a diagnosis. Genetic tests may also be ordered based on the history and/or physical examination. These are often blood or urine tests, and the sample can be collected the same day as your appointment. Referrals to other specialists or specialty clinics within the hospital may also be made. A follow-up appointment will be scheduled to discuss the results of any testing ordered and the results of other evaluations. For new patients, the first visit typically lasts about 1 hour. Return visits are usually shorter than this.

Information Received From the Appointment

The team member you meet with will discuss the findings of the evaluation with you. If genetic tests are ordered, the team member will explain in detail why the test is being ordered and the implications of the test during your visit. The results of any genetic testing will be fully discussed with you at a scheduled follow-up visit. The goal of a genetics evaluation is to provide a diagnosis. Unfortunately, a diagnosis cannot always be made despite the extensive evaluations performed. If a diagnosis can be made, we will share with you what is known about the condition, including the following:

Cause Pattern of inheritance Prognosis Recurrence risks Available resources Possibilities for prenatal diagnosis Testing for family members

The Genetics Program may provide ongoing care for you, or we may refer you to a specialist or specialty program within the hospital. If a diagnosis cannot be made, we will give you as much information as possible so your family can make the best decisions. In these instances, we often recommend a follow-up visit at some point in the future as our knowledge of genetics and available genetic testing is always increasing and certain genetic conditions become more apparent with time.

After the Appointment

A letter documenting what was discussed at your appointment, testing ordered, and/or referrals made will be prepared after your visit. This letter will become part of your or your child's medical record at Children's Hospital. A copy will also be sent to you and the referring physician. Your evaluation and diagnosis will not be discussed or shared with family members or professionals from other institutions without your written consent.

I love the part where they say having someone with you to sit in the waiting room with the child is helpful
ain't gonna happen I be a single mother today whoo hoo!

in response to me whining about him not doing anything My hubby took a thing off the list that he knows I didn't want to do :) so he is calling the police department to set up whatever thingy they do for kids with autism I guess they keep info on record for a quicker response should she take off, and possible a tracking device for her if necessary . I hate making phone calls, but I really hate calling the police department.

ah did I ever mention that since the big dig I do not enjoy driving in Boston, I mean I really am having trouble remembering where everything is.


stress stress

off we go

I got my peace shirt

I have wanted one for a long time, but it has always been "that much for just a plain old shirt!!!"

anyway the new me did some shuffling of the budget and ended up with enough to pay for my shirt and the really high shipping cost LOL

of course when I got it I realized why, tell me why are they using two big pieces of bubble wrap to ship a t-shirt?

silly!!!

anyway I put it on and it is a tad snug so now I have incentive to stay on my new healthy living program.
Now My boy wants one LOL
funny how I don't think twice about paying shipping for the other members of my family but for me it's always a shuffle????

I've been waiting for the shirt to take a picture of Day one of my 365

I'll be taking the photo later because now I have to get dinner ready freddy :)

garden troubles

OK I did buy some bulbs from a fund raiser and planted them in my yard a few years ago, but that was before we found the New England Wild Flower Society and learned about the importance of only growing plants that should naturally grow in your area.. and now we know why and I can't guarantee I have all the facts correct I am trying to learn how to do things right.
these lilies which are from Asia, have attracted these beetles, also from Asia, now these Beatles do not naturally occur in the US so there is no predator to get rid of them

and I do not use pesticides so how to I get rid of them?

Any advice?


it's very bright
I don't like using pesticides, but on top of that I live in a protected conservation land so we are not allowed to use them, so even if I wanted to go against my wishes to be pesticide free, I couldn't anyway



he boy checking out the bug
this is a bug vacuum but with the top off he can use the magnifying glass to look at the bugs



My hero

he caught 4 of them and is hunting more

could these be what has eaten the leaves off of the purple cone flowers?

anyone know?

thanks for all the gardening advice
some day I might be able to have a yard that doesn't look like a hillbilly lives here :)

From the weekend---protesters

One thing I found really happy and sad
we went to Bedford MA on Thursday night
was going to the whole foods store, lots of traffic, and we came upon the center square part of the town, obviously there was something going on for 4th celebration, I could see some people the green area. as the traffic moved along I got closer and saw that they were elderly people and they were carrying signs, I thought "that is sweet" then as I got closer I read the signs and they lifted my spirit so high!

"end the war" "Honk for peace"

I love this country I mean seriously these people looked like they had walked over from the nursing home, and they were protesting the war HOW totally 60s how totally AWESOME! it gives you hope to see something like that.

I reached for my horn and honked several times, when it dawned on me

traffic everywhere slow moving, lots of people

"Honk for peace"
HONK FOR PEACE

it was silent, I was the only car beeping
I looked into the cars that were coming in the other direction, the drivers were all looking forward, gripping their steering wheels LOOKING AWAY
when I came up the the center and I could see the man with the "honk for peace" he was looking at me, waving at me smiling but it seemed like a strained smile. maybe that sign is heavy?

I honked and honked and I was the only one.

kind of sad, I got to whole foods and met DH there and we went in
had our dinner, and shopped a bit and left the traffic was gone, and the protesters were gone

I wish I had pulled over and got my kids out and gone up to them and talked to them.

I don't know how anyone could not honk for peace!!!!!!!

my favorite bumper sticker that is on a car of someone that goes to my church :)

"When Jesus said "love thy enemies" he probably meant "don't kill them"

then a friend told me she saw one that said “You cannot love your enemies and bomb them simultaneously”.

I feel as though the War in Iraq goes against God and I am shocked at how many people don't agree.

Hi guys

sorry I was crabby earlier
yes I do know single parenting is hard, I didn't mean to imply it wasn't


some days are harder than others

did you know that a lot of the experts say that 80% of marriages with an autistic kid end in divorce.

sometimes I question that statistic And I do wonder if it's true
but I do know it's hard, and I do know that my husband wont even take a day off of work to go with me to an appointment with the genetics doctors...I wonder if I am just doing this all by myself anyway. And when five minutes after my comforting the boy when he was so upset because he doenst get to play baseball the husband yells at him for having to go to the bathroom,I wonder if we are even on the same planet.

Yes I toy around with it in my head
I love the guy and I wouldn't split with him just because I need a cup of coffee :)


I just want him to take visitation rights once in awhile :)

Do you ever wonder if it is worth is?

Today I am wondering
when DH remembers that we don't have any coffee and I offer to drive to the store to pick some up. "no I don't have time I'll just pick up some coffee while I am out" to witch he went on the computer for longer than it would have taken me to zip tot he store....what gives?

yeah thanks buddy

and thanks for taking all the kids stuff out of the car and throwing into the van....ever think it might be just a tad helpful to install the car seat for me?

then he says "are you ok?

"No I'm not ok I am tired of having 700 hours worth of stuff to do in a 24 hour time period, and i didn't really need "take the three kids into the grocery store to pick up coffee" to be one of them." his response was to leave so now we have the screaming because "we want daddy not mommy, daddy is fun mommy is yucky" or "how bout you go to work and daddy stay home"

yes I am not doing well this morning


It's going to be awhile before I can do this, sometimes i think maybe being a single parent might be easier...wouldn't it be nice to have a few hours every one in awhile when he has the kids and I can do laundry uninterrupted? or I can take a nap how pathetic am I?

*sigh*

Ok enough whining!

today Messy has a drs appointment more blood tests

I have to get caught up with my paperwork too I've been slacking off big time :(

I might not be around much this week
we have a few drs appointments this week.


I really want to blog about the weekend but I am so stretched for time right now so I will probably blog more later :)

now I am off on a quest for coffee and a drs appointment

and maybe the playground if it doenst rain


gosh I might just truck my butt to the Kmart and pick up one of those kiddie pools

so much for independence

here is a picture DH took of the fireworks


actually I did get what I wanted we went to the town parade we went to the town's country fair it was all pretty lame-O I think the rain kept people away *sigh*

we did see The boy's Sunday school teacher her boy is going to the same school next year as MB

after it was over we searched out fireworks as we learned our regular fireworks place was canceled due to construction in the area :(
ended up in Salem Ma
WOW what a show they had a concert that was so enjoyable then they had fireworks
like Boston pops without the rude crowd of people.

LOVED IT!
the only downside is the point of this post :(
My watching two girls who both wanted to be picked up to see the fireworks better
one husband taking pictures no chance for me to use my camera...and when DH saw that I was struggling he said "do you want me to stop taking pictures and help you?"

yeah the new me is supposed to say "YES" but the old me seeped back and said "no no you take your pictures"
*sigh*


Moo was Thrilled, even Messy had a blast! But MOO oh my goodness the cutest thing I ever ever saw was her after the first firework exploded and the colors burst in the sky she said "wow mama do it again!" *melt* then after each burst she let out a gale of giggles and laughter that had the whole crowd cracking up and she kept those laughs and squeals up until the very last one!
as we were walking back to the car she said "we not going back to the car we going back to the fireworks"
yes she woke up this morning asking to get in the car and drive back to the fire works LOL


it was so much fun I plan to go back next year!

July fifth I am back to the same old mousy person.
Dh spent hours doing his own thing while I was in charge of the kids...the same old pattern we have lived for years

But I did stand up and tell him that I wasn't happy, and where am I going to get my free time?

and I complained because I want the fencing from Lowes before it sells out! I've been asking him to pick it up since I can't fit it in the van with the kids in there, but he never has a chance KWIM So now is his chance to get what *I* want

so he is off to get the fencing for me, and then we are going to find some fireworks

of course he isn't taking the kids with him, but still...

baby steps right?

thoughts on a friend? and july fourth thoughts

she really is a good friend
sometimes I forget that
sometimes I avoid her because I feel as though I can't bad as good a friend to her as she is to me
sometimes I think she isn't such a friend, that she really wants what she wants only

yesterday she was sad, because her Mother in law took her kid with her on vacation
she wanted company, I packed up my three kids and went over
we stayed for a bit it was nice she didn't seem so sad, her boy is coming home tomorrow. I am equally understanding and jealous of her
no one takes my kids to Florida they wont even watch them while I go to the grocery store...except the one friend, she will. But I understand her sadness I would not be able to stand them to be away from me for so long. Yesterday she said that she thinks that my mother is the reason for my low self esteem! right out of the blue she said that,partly I want to say DUH and partly I want to know how she knows me so well when I don't really open up to her KWIM?
she also watched one of my videos and criticized me for shaking too much, I resisted the urge to tell her she sounded just like my mother She really is a good friend.

life is irony isn't it?


I am always of more than one mind
I feel so much at once sometimes it is hard to know how I really feel
I understand both sides in the Autism Debate
I understand both sides in most debates...well not politics so much, I just don't get McCain

I believe in Jesus, but obviously I don't go along with a lot of the things that other people who believe in Jesus do, to the point where I have trouble saying I am a Christian, I say "I follow the teachings of Jesus not Paul" ROFL My Christian friends pray for me to be saved. I think I am so "neener" LOL My non Christian friend call me "the religious one" Sometiems I am not happy about not fitting in, but right now I am feeling pretty good abotu having a handle on things

School starts in a few weeks

July ninth I have an appointment for Messy with the Children's Hospital
I have to say that I am no sure which appointment it is I forgot to write it down
So it is in Boston, but I am not sure if it is with epilepsy, genetic counseling, or hematology

Obviously I need to get more organized ROFL

I have decided that July 4th will be my new date
when I was a kid it was my favorite day of the year, because it was really the only time my siblings included me in play, we always went to a cousins house for the big family reunion and it was tradition every year! it was the only time I was treated like one of the kids, instead of "the baby" and I liked the cook out beach fun times stuff we did back then.

So next year on July 4th I will be able to post my yearly independence update

I will be more independent
I will be healthier
I will be more organized
I will be more happy

You will see I can do it!
I'm also going to try a 365 self portrait thingy

no promises there those things are hard :)